Voicemail Of The Day: The Quest For 100,000

Consider the opening line of a voicemail I got this afternoon from my brother:

Hey Alex, umm, it’s your brother, listen, uh (exhale), I wasn’t paying attention when I was driving, and uhh…

Sounds terrible, right? Turns out it wasn’t too bad.

Backstory: My brother and I had planned to hit 100,000 miles on the odometer of the family car together, but as he mentioned, he wasn’t paying attention and hit it on his own.

THAT SAID, the reason I bring this voicemail to your attention is because it’s just too funny how exasperated he is over doing this. The first 20 seconds you’re thinking car crash. The next 20, speeding ticket. By the end of the message, relief sets in as he reads the current mileage: 100,009. 

Have a listen, I promise it will be about as good of an afternoon pick me up as you can get in these parts. 

Can I walk around naked in the house or would you feel offended? (Yes)

My Future Roommate? 

I posted an ad on Craigslist listing two rooms that I am trying to rent. I’ve gotten a number of responses, but this one is just too funny to keep to myself: 

Dear Alex,

I am very much interested and will absolutely come by Wednesday. However, just a few questions:

- are you religious?
- are there any pets / are they allowed?
- do you mind if I bring my panda collection (glass sculptures) into the house?
- do you object to the occassional use of hard drugs?
- can I walk around naked in the house or would you feel offended?
- can the walls handle a lot of sounds (especially friday-/saturday-night?
- do you object to men having extremely long hair?

Sorry for the questions, but they are important to me since I want to live a blissful life.